so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
