I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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