So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You smell like stripper and shame
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
