Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize