What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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