Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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