This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
