we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Idk if I want to put a bra on
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize