and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
