the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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