i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she told me i tasted like america
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
