oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
