Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
