wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
