JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
