woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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