dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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