were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
