What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
