We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
