i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
