I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
