I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
