Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize