Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
