Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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