At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
