hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
