ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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