Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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