Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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