i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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