I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
