i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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