I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
