my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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