i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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