I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
