I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
