Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
