I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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