you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
