Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
