Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
