All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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