What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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