just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
