Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
