Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
