Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
