There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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