fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
