I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
