i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
