Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize