I'm really into asian looking animals
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
