fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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