The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
