I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
