Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
