I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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