I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
