is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
