just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
