If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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