OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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