so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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