I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
