The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
