i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
