I haven't been this sober since birth.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
