its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
