Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
