How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
